Would you allow your child to go to a French exchange trip?
thanya asked:
My 13 year old daughter came home from school today with a letter about an 11 day French exchange trip to Le Mans in France. The trip costs £370 including all transport, day trips such as a day in disney, and the Eiffel tower, Notre Dame and disneyland. Me and my husband think this is a good price, but the money doesn’t matter, I just would be so worried with her gone so long. My daughter would be staying with a French family, replacing their 13 year old French daughter, who would be staying with us. That’s one of the problems though, as we have a 11 month old baby girl, who when I am at home, I would need to give constant attention to her, and it would make me nervous with someone I don’t know being around her, if you know what I mean. Also, my husband and I would have to take the exchange student to London, Cardiff, Bristol and Dunster, so they can explore England, so I would have to leave the baby with my parents. I’m sure the exchange student would have a lovely time at our home, but the worry of my daughter with people I’ve never met overwhelms me.
My 13 year old daughter came home from school today with a letter about an 11 day French exchange trip to Le Mans in France. The trip costs £370 including all transport, day trips such as a day in disney, and the Eiffel tower, Notre Dame and disneyland. Me and my husband think this is a good price, but the money doesn’t matter, I just would be so worried with her gone so long. My daughter would be staying with a French family, replacing their 13 year old French daughter, who would be staying with us. That’s one of the problems though, as we have a 11 month old baby girl, who when I am at home, I would need to give constant attention to her, and it would make me nervous with someone I don’t know being around her, if you know what I mean. Also, my husband and I would have to take the exchange student to London, Cardiff, Bristol and Dunster, so they can explore England, so I would have to leave the baby with my parents. I’m sure the exchange student would have a lovely time at our home, but the worry of my daughter with people I’ve never met overwhelms me.
I really don’t know whether I should send my daughter there, she seems really keen..but given my circumstances, would you let her go?
It isn’t exactly a once in a liftime thing really, as they have annual exchange trips. There will probably be a trip to Spain, Germany, China and America to come, and we think we will wait till then. It’s too hard at the moment with our baby. Maybe in 1 or 2 years we will let her go. I’m not comfortable with the situation at the moment. Thanks for all your answers!
Yes I would, this is a once in a lifetime chance.
I would let her go. Not one of your reasons can’t be worked out quite easily and this is a wonderful opportunity for her.
Interesting and I honestly can’t make up my mind as such in order to answer you properly.
The money wouldn’t worry me and it sounds like a good deal – going to Disneyland and Eiffel tower etc. I would be concerned about sending my daughter to live with strangers for a while. People I don’t know….I think overall it would depend how mature and responsible my daughter was at that age. 13 sounds young but if I knew she would have the proper emergency contact support and was responsible in letting me know immediately if there was a problem then maybe….
I also wouldn’t want the responsibility of having the exchange student come to me. If I had the time and money to spend on it then yes but what with working and a family it would be difficult to host someone and show them the sights. Perhaps if my family could help out with other things I might be able to fit something like that in…
All the best in making a decision
i wouldnt,
i just wouldnt like a strange child staying with me, while my own is staying with someone else
No, definitely not you dont know the family that your daughter will be with …abuse has happened on these trips…also as you say, it would be impractical and inconvenient for you…and the language barrier will be huge.
I’m 18, so obviously can’t relate to your point of view directly, but when I was 14 I went on a French exchange trip myself. It was an absolutely amazing experience, really good for me both linguistically and in terms of feeling more independant, though within the security of a school group. I would say that it is a really valuable opportunity and unless your natural anxiety is founded on something very concrete – rather than just a mother’s concern – I personally think your daughter should go.
Well, bear in mind too that that other girl’s family are likely to be just as concerned. You can always contact them ahead of time, to reassure them and yourself.
Also, rather than going off with them and bringing them around, let your husband do it, and you don’t have to be there all the time. I’m sure too that the organisation will have some things lined up, like coach tours to various places.
Let your daughter go, make sure she has a mobile and plenty of credit in it so she can text you regularly.
I know that England (assuming you are in England by your use of the pound note symbol) and France are close geographically. So it’s not like you are sending her, distance wise, very far.
However, I think she is a bit young to be traveling by herself and staying with, essentially, strangers.
Furthermore, it doesn’t sound like your family can accommodate another student at this time, whom, for all intents and purposes, you would be entertaining pretty extensively.
I think waiting a year or two may be more appropriate for both your daughter and the rest of your family.
I would try and get more information first, the other parents beliefs, how they dicipline , what they expect from your daughter…ect… As well as information on the sother student. Then based on that and gut feelings, I would make a decision. Keeping in mind it could be a wonderful experience for your daughter.
There would be a lot of questions to answer about this. If the school is sanctioning this trip, is the reciprocal family also screened in some way? What liability or repsonsiblity does the school have? How is the exchange student screened and what are the standards of care that will be provided to your child.
I would also be concerned about it esp at 13. Is it possible to defer it for a year or 2? It would be difficult to balance a young baby with this situation but at the same time, it isn’t right to deny your oldest an opportunity if it truly is just offered this once.
I’d consider it but have to know a lot more about the whole process and liability and responsibility.
I went on the same kind of trip when i was 12. I stayed with an amazing french family and everyone i met there was wonderful. Thats the only place i’ve visited out of UK but it was an amazing experience and im glad my parents let me go. My mother also had my two younger brothers staying in the house when she visited so it was hard for her to travel as they was young. So what she did was asked one of the other mums or dads to take my french friend with them on a couple of trips and occasionally my mum would let the other exchange student stay at the house and give the other mum some rest.
I know it can be really really hard to let a child go on a trip like that. When I was 12 years old, I was accepted into a program called People to People. I flew from Boston, MA USA to Italy, Austria, and Hungary for 23 days!
My mother and I have always been very close and she says over and over again that even though it is hard to let someone go, she was so happy that I was able to see so much of the world, especially being so young. Along with that, being able to experience different cultures, religions, and places opened up A LOT of doors for me in high school and university, once I got there.
So while, ultimately, the decision is up to you… I would ALWAYS recommend allowing your child to see the world!
I wouldn’t, but that’s just me. Ask her how much she wants to go. Ask to speak to this family first. Talk to the school about safety precautions.
Its only 11 days, and its France. If it was South America I would say no. I think France is pretty safe..just ask the family not to let her go any where alone.
The 13 year old girl you are talking about taking in…if they thought she was a danger I doubt they would allow her to go any where. Usually they have to get good grades and be behaved before they let them do that.
Your daughter may have to get shots before she goes.
Yes i think you should let her go, i totally understand the worry but then again you know you’ve got to take risks sometimes yes? and yes a million bad things could happen on this trip but a million bad things could happen on the pavement on the way to school too it all depends on the way you look at it. It just could turn out to be a really amazing rewarding experience for everybody involved but in the end i would go with my gut instinct, if you feel deep down that you really aren’t ready to face such a challenge then no use forcing yourself to do it? but then again that would present you with a whole new different problem …. How to tell your daughter she’s not going.
Yes I have allowed my daughter to go on a French exchange trip. She enjoyed it and we had the girl she stayed with back to stay with us. Just read the rest of your letter and it seems a bit strange that the girl is over here when your daughter is in France, My daughter stayed with the girl and her parents then they both stayed here. The other thing that’s strange is the fact you have to take the girl to all these towns are you sure the trips are not arranged so they all go together on a bus with their teachers? That’s what happened here. Check it out.
I would let her go.
And I wouldn’t worry about the other girl around the baby, I bet she is a nice sweet kid.
I know you are worrying about her with strangers but this family has probably been checked out by the school your daughter attends and the other girls school. I don’t think anything bad will happen, I think it could be a great experience.
I would let her go as long as there is supervision that you can trust.
Yes, however, if it is difficult for you now, she will have other opportunities to do so. Either way, you will certainly discover what your daughter is made of- and, the trip will change her perspectives for years to come. The question being, can you reciprocate, will it be an even exchange? I truly appreciate your reflections. It does seem a bit difficult on your end at this time, especially if you have work obligations in addition to the baby. Good luck and as all have said,it is an opportunity for growth and exploration of another culture.
I lived in France, Germany, Spain, and Japan over a 15 year period, unsponsored, and working with the people. On personal reflection, no amount of money could have purchased the experiences and growth I had. I wish I had had the opportunity at 13. For your daughter there is always next year or the year after.
It’s a hard decision, on one hand you are worried for your daughter and on the other hand it’s a once in a lifetime thing. Personally I would let her go, but I would find a way to at least talk to the other family so you can get to know them and they you because they probably have the same reservations about this as you do. Also, I wouldn’t leave my baby with my parents. This girl should come to live with you and live as you do. I would take the baby with you on the trip around England. You will probably end up having a great time!
What a bizarre setup. Are you sure that’s what happens? Normally your child goes to France and stays with the whole French family, and then the French child comes over at a different time and stays with your family. The idea is that the two children become friends and talk to one another, getting good at both languages. I don’t see the point in her going to stay with a family when the person her age won’t be there!
Also the school should run the trips for the French student when they are over here, not you. I would query this with the French teacher, because this doesn’t sound like any school-run exchange I’ve ever heard of.
Both of my children did this when they were about the same age and it was an experience they both loved. If it is properly organised by the school there will be plenty of supervision and monitoring so you should not have to be too worried about her safety. I, too, am surprised that they are not spending the time together with their french counterparts. Usually one stays with the other then reciprocates but check that out, you may have misunderstood the arrangements.
As for trips out, the school organised all of those and supervised them though we did take our visitors for extra days out while they were with us.
What youngsters gain from this sort of experience is enormous and I would recommend that she be allowed to go but just be certain of the arrangements, if just for your own peace of mind. The fact that you will have a stranger in your house need not be as big an issue as you think. If you are not happy with them you do have the right to have them removed at any time but I am sure it will be fine.
My daughter has remained close friends with her exchange to this day and I would imagine that your daughter will have the time of her life.
i think you should let her go. Children can become very upsset when they miss out on holidays etc which all their friends will be going on! its only a week and she will have an amazing time away!
I don’t know what kind of exchange her school does but NORMALLY, the students don’t swap like that, normally the french student will come and stay with you for 1 – 2 weeks whilst your child is still at home, and then later on your child will go and stay with the other family for 1 – 2 weeks whilst the french partner is at home. That way long-lasting friendships are built and the child has someone they know at home. Normally before the exchange letters will be sent to and from, kind of like a pen friend so when you do meet the exchange partner you know them already.
I understand about the baby, really I do, but I don’t think it’s a reason to hold back on your daughter going on the exchange. You say you’ll have to take her to all these places BUT unless that’s compulsory you don’t have to at all. When I was on the french exchange, we took my exchange partner (who is still a friend now) to all the local sights, we did things they don’t normally do in france, we had fish and chips by the river out of the paper with wooden forks and she was completely confused by it all but loved it. All these things mean your baby can come with you.
If your daughter starts early in could become a yearly thing and you’ll all have a great friend, Ester (my exchange partner) is like another member of the fmaily after 5 exchanges and we still regularly see each other.
If you don’t want to do it this year, then do it next year if your daughter still wants to but honestly, you don’t need to do all the things you think you do.
Email me and I’ll give you a more complete idea of what my exchanges here and abroad entailed: